Dear friends,
 
Pinchas is a tricky parshah to write about. He is a real hero, but not the kind of hero that p.c. consciousness allows for in 2023. If his story took place last week, this is what you would read in the news:
 
“Religious zealot takes law into his own hands, killing a pair of innocent lovers.” It gets worse. The follow-up would be, “Nepotism in the Kohanic succession legalized.”
 
There is only one problem in their version of what happened – as always, for them, Hashem is not a character in the play. This is no surprise. If they were at Krias Yam Suf, they would be writing about wind velocity and currents.
 
This leaves you with the questions that living in our times evokes even when you have an open mind. Why was Pinchas right? How can you justify vigilantism when it easily is confused with the mentality of jihad?

​The underlying issue is that you and the rest of us have been taught that claiming to know an absolute truth is both wrong and dangerous. The fact that Torah is absolute is hard to swallow when believing that nothing is absolute anymore is the latest and greatest way to avoid thinking about what choices are really moral... It is the most contemporary form of escapism.
 
ABSOLUTE TRUTH?
 
The Torah was given publically, a fact that no other nation claims as the basis of their tradition. What is more relevant when you are thinking out of the box, is that it is also the basis of all morality as we know it today.  The strongest opponents of Torah are hard put when they are pushed to the wall about what defines morality and (more significantly) why? The Torah has been adapted by other peoples and incorporated into virtually all Western law to form their religions and the culture of their lifestyles sans the mitzvos. Teachings like “love your neighbor” remain vague, especially in Christianity (and the entire Western world bases their morals on that!). Concepts like “pray to G-d the Merciful” have no direct practical outlet in the Muslim world, where the poor are consistently neglected.

What that tells you is that it may be time to say goodbye to moral relativism.

Since you, my dear friends, are not just starting out on your journey, you may wonder if I got this letter mixed up with Mechina Times. I didn’t. Relativism is still there, eating away at your heart at times, even if you know the truth of Torah.

Pinchas had no self. His self was the Torah. That’s why the text tells you that he avenged Hashem’s honor, not his own. In the post-enlightenment world, where everything is filtered through the belief that there are numerous options, no one even tries to make this claim. Life isn’t supposed to be about humility and self-negation. It’s supposed to be about pride and self-expression.  Pinchas had every reason to assume that when he went towards Zimri that these were his life’s last moments. Zimri had his own justification. His tribe was heavily involved in the Baal Peor episode, and by representing them publicly he was introducing a new way of envisioning what had happened. “Peor Pride.” Cozbi, the Midanite princess who was his partner had intuitive foreknowledge that she was meant to be part of the Jewish people. Their cases sound good on paper. The only trouble is that their brand of Judaism is do-it-yourself. When Pinchas stood up for Torah, it was with the full knowledge that the bit of truth in their claim was real. Zimir could have saved his tribe through prayer and tshuvah, and Cozbi could have entered the Jewish people through conversion. If that would have been their choices, they would have lived the way Hashem determined we should be.   
 
Are we in easier times than theirs? I personally don’t think so.
 
The Torah reiterates that Pinchas was the son of Elazar, Aharon’s son. The reason for that is that Rashi tells you that there were some people who had what to say about Pinchas, they were unwilling to see his heroism. It may have been perceived as a threat.
 
They recalled that his mother was Yisro’s daughter. They disparaged Pinchas and said that he was the grandson of a priest who (before he converted) fattened idols for pagan sacrifices. This was illogical since his mother’s father had nothing to do with his tribal identity. The Jews knew how much influence a mother has. The Zohar tells us that the Midianites had fiery tempers. It was easier to blame Pinchas’ background than it was to ask hard questions about how a tribal leader could have fallen so far. It was easy to say that Pinchas was enacting the response that he saw his mother make when things didn’t seem right.
 
They were wrong.
 
He had a fiery temperament but he had reached a point when he had to decide what to do next, his internal nature, his fiery temper was totally subjected to Hashem’s will. Hashem wants us to be whole, to be able to fit your nature into His unique plan for you. Tithe text reiterates that he was Aharon’s descendant. The “Midian” in him was obeying orders, not making them...
 
Now the tricky part. What does this have to do with you?
 
We won’t be called upon to do executions any time in the near future.
You may be called upon to do things that are anti-intuitive, or socially Out. And Other.
 
That means regardless of the inner storms, do what you have to do. Speak respectfully to your parents even if this is almost impossible. See that your Shabbos table is full of joy, even if all you want to do is to make it an early night. Look people in the eye, and say, “I see things differently. Does that interest you?” Each of you has their own choices.
 
We all want peace. Peace means fitting each piece of the puzzle into the place where Hashem wants it to be.

Soooo. It’s summer - a lot of you are home, living lives with little structure. This is the best time for figuring out who you really are, without your status, your job, or any of the labels that people put on you.
 
Being like Pinchas has to have a first step. It’s learning not to be afraid.
 
In the famous song, “the whole world is a narrow bridge” the real words are not “not to fear at all.” They are “not to scare yourself at all!!!”
 
Be brave and be happy! They come together as a rule.
 
Love,                    
Tziporah 
 
PS: The second-year program for Bnos Avigail is happening. We have room for 12 and have 10!!

Dear friends,
 
Those of you who like history are probably a large minority, and I assume those who like paying attention to dates may turn this into a smaller minority. In Nissan, 2448 we were redeemed from Egypt, and six months later on the 11th of Tishrei, we were commanded to build the Mishkan, the sanctuary in the desert. On the 11th of Nissan in the following year, the Mishkan was inaugurated. It was a date that (believe it or not) affects you.
 
On that day, Hashem revealed 8 chapters of what would be included in the Torah, one of which was the chapter about the laws of the Red Cow.
 
(Actually, now that I put it in caps, some of you may confuse it with the ridiculously expensive eatery on the roof of the Plaza, but no, that is not what I am talking about).
 
The ritual is esoteric. It’s hard to wrap your mind around the concept of spiritual defilement passing via physical means, and much harder to understand how this ritual releases you from spiritual defilement. This is not the main paradox; the deepest mystery of all is how it defiles the man who (after the cow was killed), burned the cow and reduced it to ashes.  These ashes, which are used to sprinkle on people who are ritually defiled in order to release them from that state so that they are pure, make the one involved in the process of creating them ritually defiled.  What do the ashes do? Defile or purify?
 
This paradox is so profound that other than Moshe (to whom the Midrash says was told by Hashem Himself the meaning of the paradox 6 months after the ritual was revealed), no one else ever was able to crack this particularly hard nut. The merit that Moshe had, his deep humility, is what opened the door for him. In Yismach Moshe a fascinating inclusion is mentioned.  Hashem revealed the secret to one other person – Korach! He was on a very high level at the time, and it makes his competition with Moshe more understandable. It also tells you how far someone can fall.  There will be another inclusion. The Midrash Rabba says that the last generation before the final geulah will also know the secret of the red cow.
 
You may be wondering at this point why you are reading this letter. What I am writing doesn’t seem on the surface to have much to do with your life.
 
You are wrong.
 
But to understand its relevance, you have to look at the distant past. In Gan Eden there were two unique trees, the tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. These two trees were meant to be seen as part of one Divine act of creativity. The tree of life opened the door to being genuinely attached to the Life Force of all the worlds. The tree of knowledge of good (and also of evil….) had the potential to open the door for humans to choose illusion over reality and evil over good. Eating of the tree of knowledge also effected the tree of life. The tree of life, so to speak, was now lacking a branch, the branch that could have/should have, been the one that hints at making this world one in which something of Gan Eden could be felt and seen.
 
Hashem’s original plan, which was for this world literally to be Paradise, a place where His light and goodness could be experienced physically by the humans He created, seemed at first blush to be foiled.
 
It’s not the case at all. Quite the opposite.
 
You and all of us all have areas of life in which we have to cope with darkness. For some, it is loneliness, friendlessness and feeling alienated from the people who crowd you and who at the same time subtly exclude you. For others it is overload, leaving feeling depleted before you even begin, and finding your life overwhelmingly guilt provoking as you can’t possibly do what you genuinely think you could/should be doing; you may find yourself comparing yourself to The Others who cope. For still others the issue may be health, which renders every plan you had before you became ill seem to be irrelevant. There may be some of you who face financial pressures that will never really be resolved without major miracles, and the result forces you into living an entirely different life than the one you would have chosen. Parents can be difficult, addicted to the model of criticism that they also may have experienced, leaving you to feel vulnerable and “unparented”.  There are many forms of darkness. The yetzer hara has his own brand of darkness, and that too is part of the picture.
If you overcome the illusion of darkness being the entire picture, and you find some light in your capacity to respond, you have now reversed the seeming failure of the Great Plan. You can find yourself attached to Hashem finding that He is your lifesaver. Every Jew has this ability.
When you do this, you have taken what is defiled and turned it into purity. You may still have the same kind of suffering, and it may lead you to feel that you are stuck. This isn’t illusion. It may be the final step that you have to deal with to bring you to the highest state of purity that goes further than this world. You have taken that which defiles, and made it a source of purity.
 
If you don’t know where to start, take a dose of Moshe with you – the bit of humility that you have that makes you able to see yourself not as “less”, but to see Hashem as more.
 
I mentioned this before, but my daughter Devorah is organizing a trip to Kivrei Tzadikim most focused on shidduch-oriented tefillah, but also on sharing with other women the kind of energy that this sort of journey provides. Please use the form on the Contact page to request more information.
 
Love
Tziporah

Dear Friends,

The story I am going to tell you speaks for itself. The scenario opened about 35 years ago in Maalot Dafna. In those days I read a lot of parenting books, and one of the recurrent themes was to communicate clearly. Taking the advice of the author, (it was only much later that I found out that he had only two children, one of whom committed suicide, but at the time, his word was filed under ‘What the Experts Tell You’)

“Moishe,” I said, clearly, looking him straight in the eye, and with no expectation of defeat, “Please take out the garbage.” No movement. Not him, and not the large black plastic bag. “MOISHE PLEASE TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE” I repeated in my sweet dulcet tone. Okay, maybe not. NO change. I tried to look as authoritative as I could, and said, “Moishe! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I AM TELLING YOU TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE”. As he looked up, I anticipated a hands-down victory until I heard him say, “Mommy, I’m not Moishe.”

I was never good with names.

I heard a story about someone who was or wasn’t good at names – I don’t know whether that was his strength. He was, however, good at knowing who he was talking to, and I want to share it with you because it’s an important story.

The stories about Rav Gershon Edelstein began to flow almost immediately after his passing. Rav Gershon lived to be 100. This story took place this year in Adar, just a few months ago. He lectured to 360 young men who were divided into two groups of 180. When one group finished the series, the other group was admitted. A new group had just begun to attend his shiur.  One day he called over one of the instructors in charge of the group, and said, “The young man in the end of the fourth row has not come a couple of days. He doesn’t participate – never asks questions or proposes answers. He also doesn’t seem to speak to any of the other bachurim. I would like you to call his home, and find out how he is doing, and perhaps ask some of the other bachurim to call also. His mother must be very distressed that he is so alone here.”

He made this request without necessarily knowing the name, but knowing much more. At the age of 100, not knowing a name is definitely par for the course. Being able to step into someone else’s shoes is an entirely different art.  What moved me the most about this story (Which was told by Rav Shlomo Levenstein, who is careful not to “invent” stories) is that he not only understood the bachur, but he also understood the boy’s mother.

The prophet Michah tells the people to ask what Hashem really wants of them. We tend to draw a blank when confronted with that question. Not only don’t we really understand other people, we don’t really always understand ourselves. He tells us to do justice, which means to live on the Torah’s terms, which are not always intuitive. Justice means balance. Only Hashem knows how to achieve that end. In contemporary liberal society, one of the many dubious conclusions that they have reached is that there should be no rich or poor. The poor are always victims, and the rich are always perpetrators. Wealth should be spread evenly. This means shoplifting should be decriminalized as should looting and various other means of forcing economic balance upon the favored ones who are doing well and for that reason want to maintain the status quo. The possibility that the people who have money should give charity, and in ways that equalize the status between rich and poor by either giving anonymously or helping someone become self-supporting is one side of the scale. The other is that the poor person would accept that this is Hashem’s will for them at this time, and to adjust to simplicity and austere living in the way a good student adjusts to a demanding teacher. G-d is forcing them to move beyond ego and beyond materialism and even beyond security in order to place their hope in Him.
These demands aren’t easy. Hashem provided us with Moshe, who was of the tribe of Levi, the tribe whose very nature moved them towards doing things on Hashem’s terms. He also provided us with Aharon.

The second thing Michah told the Jews of his time was to love chessed. Not just to do it, but to love it. During the time we were in the desert, Hashem brought Aharon to the public eye on more than one occasion. He loved them enough to fall into the trap of participating in making the golden calf in order to prevent them from murdering him (as they had done to Chur who tried to stop the craziness). He loved peace, meaning he saw that each individual was part of the whole, and valued that enough to be the one who Hashem selected to be involved in the rituals that were done for them to attain atonement. The animal offerings had an inner dimension, which was being a means through which the animal self could be moved away from its inherent selfishness and impulsivity and move towards its root –Hashem’s will for it to be used in ways that join it with the part of you that is in Hashem’s image. Both parts of you share the same body. For there to be peace, the soul has to lead and the body follow. The soul needs the body. Without a body to do the job means the soul is stuck living in an ivory tower. This is not the world’s purpose. Aharon, who saw each contribution and each person as meaningful, was the master of bringing everything in this world back to its root.

There was a final instruction.

Walk modestly with Hashem, your G-d.

Huh?

Modesty isn’t about what you do. It’s about who you are as you do it. Are you playing for the crowd? Are Everybody and her sister Nobody the audience? (Everybody has a few outfits that are soft and floral. Nobody is still in black. Just a while ago it was the opposite... Go to a guy‘s hat store and find out that Nobody wears a flat brim, and Everybody wants a 4.5 width…) It gets worse when you talk about ideological conformism, where you erase people who are not hanging out with Everybody, or social snobbism where you teach yourself not to walk with the Nobodies.

Rav Gershon was a master of all three. May his memory inspire us to know ourselves and each other and to walk only with Hashem.
 
Love,
Tziporah

Dear friends,

Shavuos came and went.

I hope not.

I want it to stay inside at least until Rosh Hashanah or Moshiach, whichever comes first. Sometimes a feeling of spiritual aliveness is so real that you can't imagine it fading, but the day-to-day mini-dramas can end up giving you a bad case of spiritual amnesia. The possibilities here in EY to make sure this doesn’t happen are amazing. For me, Shavuos began with eating together with Bnos Avigail. The girls walked into the Old City with me from Har Nof. My walking partner was a friend who has been coming along for years. Chana Loesher is something of a legend here in Har Nof. Wherever there is a loose chessed she manages to make it her own. One example is collecting plastic bottles. She rides around the Hood going from “customer” to “customer”. Some of you may have noticed that I always have my empties stored on shelves in front of my apartment. They are there for her to add to the collection which brings to an older woman (by the way, as I age, I find that phrase funnier and funnier. Older than what?  The State (yes, I fit) dinosaurs (not exactly), but that’s another tangent). The woman brings them in and gets the deposit (30 agurot a bottle). This helps her get through the month, but it does something more. It gives her the feeling of doing something for herself to earn her way. Chana has been doing this for years, among other mitzvos that most of us would never dream of. The reason that she is my yearly walking partner is that in her Former Life as they say in BT land she was an Olympic swimmer, and has a need to keep the shapeless in shape. She is even older than I, but could easily outpace the girls. When we got to Shaar Yaffo, I noticed that the girls were not just into “arriving at the destination”. They were savoring being there and being with each other. The feeling of “being at Mount Sinai with all of the others in one encampment” was tangible.

We were early enough to see the Kotel beginning to fill. After learning we headed out for tefillah. There was no place in the Old City that wasn’t packed. The Kotel was brimming with Jews, the Churva opened the roof gallery and put out tens of chairs for the overflow. Dovid HaMelech’s tomb was filled with passionate prayer for his yahrtzeit. The City Government put out drinks, and snacks, and gave everyone who passed by one message, “You are here, and we welcome you to the holiest city on the day that your heart brought you here to feel close to the Torah and the One who gave it to us.”

I want to keep the moments and bring them with me.

Being in EY does this to you, but you have to be where Hashem takes you.  In some ways finding Him when you are surrounded by Other ennobles you in ways that you may not see now, but will see when the future becomes interpretable.

The school year is ending (not in Neve, which like the British postal service goes on forever), but in Bnos Avigail. As I write this, the girls are in the north, taking it in and taking in the last savory time that they will have with each other before they move on to the Real World.

In case you are here, and want a bit of EY here is the publicity for my daughter Devorah’s latest trip:

"TIME FOR YIDDISHKEIT":  A Davening trip for Women At the Kivrei Tzaddikim in Eretz Yisrael With Rebbetzin Tziporah Gottlieb/Heller 
 
Most of you won’t be able to come. I want to feel your presence there anyway, and will send you a blow-by-blow version next letter.
 
In the meantime, let Shavuos stay with you,
​
Love,
Tziporah