Dear Friends,
I love starting Shmos.  The first letters of the names of the first six Parshas spell out the word “Shovavim” which means “Wild Ones”. The context is that G-d implored us (as it says in the haftorah) “Return wild children”. We are such wild kids!

I was walking out late one night and saw a gaggle of ‘off-the-derech’ boys. They were young. The oldest of this particular group couldn’t have been much more than seventeen. They wore their Declaration of Independence on their backs. Sleeveless shirts, neon colors (presumably chosen to match their hair), high top shoes recalling army battalions that they will or §won’t belong to any time soon, any more than any other part of the society that they rejected. One of my sons has a clubhouse for them. His goal is to give them back their humanity. It isn’t easy, and it isn’t always successful. Their stories, he tells me, are distressingly similar. They don’t fit in; this may be true (as in the case of boys with learning disabilities) or may be imagined (as in the case of boys who have low self-esteem for whatever reason). They end up trapped in a no man’s land in which they are rejected because they reject, and then experience more rejection still. They sometimes numb themselves with various substances, and sometimes drown their pain in the unconditional friendships that they offer each other.  Theft is not at all unusual. Some of them don’t have anywhere to go to, and far more have neatgive associations of defeat the minute they open the door to their homes. There is also another component. There’s a lot of easy, painless, attractive and enjoyable escape via the media, eating, sleeping, wandering, and even hanging around the malls. The mall designers use their skills to give a message: “This is quality, and you are quality”.

They don’t know that they have options. They don’t know that they don’t have to choose between rejection and escape. They don’t know that being wild in any sense of the word is yearning to feel something.
This time of year is one in which even the doors of the most vulnerable heart can reopen.
When we read the Parshas of redemption this sort of return in is most possible. The Kabbalists say that all of the doors are open. Each one of the Parshas, the Shlah (an acronym for “shnei luchot habris” a sefer written by one of the most famous post-medieval scholars) points out that each Parshah has a theme. In the first one, this week’s Parshah, suffering is the theme. It can open doors by forcing you face your real self. The way this works, is that when you suffer you can’t hide from yourself. This can free you to  shed all of the impurities that you may  have picked up along the way in order to make  hiding more efficient(by escaping, and indulging). You come to a place where you know your only source of refuge and hope is Hashem. The problem that some people have is that they don’t really believe that He cares about them. This is why the Jews in Egypt had to first suffer and then experience the miracles that testify to how beloved they really are.

Moshe understood all of this better than we will ever be able to, but you still see that at the end of the Parshah, he asks Hashem, “Why have you dealt badly with this people”. The Pri Tzadik (one of the great Chassidic Rebbes) asks the obvious question. Moshe knew that things would get worse before they get better. Hashem Himself told Moshe that Pharaoh will not release the Jews easily. He brings a Midrash that makes things clearer. When Moshe (who at the time was still a prince in Pharaoh’s palace) saw how unbearable the servitude had become, he suggested to Pharaoh that he give the Jews one day off each week in order to get more work out  of them. When Pharaoh agreed, Moshe suggested that the day be (guess what?) Shabbos. They used the day to regain their strength not only physically, but they reviewed the scrolls that they had in which all of the events that took place in their history were written. When they would read about the redemption there were at least a few rays of hope and consolation. It was only at the end, when Pharaoh forbade them to continue keeping Shabbos that their pain was unbearable enough for Moshe to ask Hashem this question.

Shabbos is the way that you can feel cared about. It gives you the inner space to take your escapist wild self and to tame it by surrendering to the knowledge that Hashem created the entire world for you, and for every other Jew.

New baalei teshuva often have a hard time with Shabbos; you are upstairs in your room after having had your Shabbos meal in splendid isolation. Downstairs you can hear the TV and the laughter. There may be a generous scoop of mockery thrown in. You may want to escape. You know the truth, but you feel rejected. Hashem is there, you may feel, but not for me. Others may feel the choking of being stuck in Sterile Suburbia without anyone to share your Shabbos or any other part of your life that has spiritual meaning.
Do what you have to do open the gift box and see the treasure that Shabbos is.
Those of you who can invite Neve girls maybe let the office know. Those of you who need invitations, be brave enough to ask for them, either via the office or your kiruv Rabbi. The time couldn’t be better. 

All the best,
Tziporah

Dear Friends,

Turkey did it again. It is of minor comfort to me that the bird and the country are both not renowned for their intellectual acuity. I wonder if it is still P.C. for little boys to call each other "Turkey head" or whether it would be more 21st century Universalist to say, "You think like one of the many species of birds that populate our shared planet". The Prime Minister of Turkey has decided that ISIS will prevail unless Israel finds a way of appeasing the Palestinians. Yes. This is the ONLY issue. When I read this insightful remedy for What Ails Us, I began wondering how today’s media would reports the Yosef story.
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They (CNN, BBC, Fox etc.) would no doubt ignore the dreams, and turn the entire early part of the story into a sort of Horatio Alger rags to riches narrative. The part of his resisting Potiphar's wife, and subsequent imprisonment would read, "In spite of legal entanglements stemming from his early allegiance to the traditionalist norms of the tribal society of his early  youth, he made his way to the Royal Court by the time he was thirty." It would go from there to describe his mercurial progress in the field of economics. Here too the dreams would be ignored, as would the profound depth of his encounter with his brothers, his returning good for evil and his attributing all of his travail to a Divine Plan. Instead, it would tell us that his economic genius turned Egypt into the most powerful produce broker in the entire world. If any mention of his brothers and father would be considered worthy of recording, it would be a mention of "the complex family entanglements that were forgotten when they all joined him in Egypt, settling Goshen where they joined his efforts in promoting an entirely new branch of economy; sheep raising. This endeavor was another step towards a Greater Egypt." Needleless to say, G-d would not be a player on their field.

How did we get like this? It isn't just the result of 19th century denial of religion.
Ignoring/denying/avoiding are not new.  There is a story in Prophets that says it all. Elisha, one of the best-known prophets of the first Temple era, did many miracles. One of them was his turning the bitter waters of a river into sweet drinkable water. You would think that this would give him absolute recognition. This would lead to step two, his having the kind of credibility that he wanted so badly in his efforts to open the hearts of the Jews of his time. Step three would presumably be their abandoning idol worship and returning to Hashem. It didn't happen. A group of young people resented his "interference" in their lives. They made a living transporting water from other areas to the people who lived rear the effected water. They cursed and degraded him, which would have not only been a terrible insult to a prophet of G-d, but would destroy the power of his message by trivializing a miracle.

Hashem "arranged" for them to be attacked and torn apart by bears. The question is asked whether these were "random" bears that "just happened" by, and whether the forest that they emerged from (without which they wouldn't have attacked-bears instinctively attack when they know that they can escape back to their environment), just "happened" to be there. Were there bears but no forest, or a forest but no bears? Were there no bears and no forest until the moment that Hashem wanted them there?  Could G-d have had the bears attack without needing a forest to retreat to by changing their instinctive responses? Of course! For that matter, could he have changed the minds of the young people so that they would never have needed this sort of punishment? Again the answer is, "of course". The reality is, however that largely G-d does not force His presence on you to the point that your choices are robotic. You have to look around you, draw conclusions, and not settle for conclusions that fit your pre-existent prejudices.

The reason that I am telling you this story is to open your minds a bit. We are living in remarkable times, times in which experience miracles both vicariously and directly on an almost daily basis. One of the problems is that we have learned to "report" the news in ways that only the most superficial aspects of the news seep in. Still another attack in which the victim survives, the murderer is killed and ho hum nothing much else in the news.  The fact the inner dimension is far more "real" than the exterior story.

The message is clear. We will have peace on the outside, only when we stop relying on politicians, economic theories, and each other. Hashem is very much with us, speaking to us about why we view life as precious, and why we revile murder.  We have to see a bigger picture, and learn to question what our own roles are in the puzzle. What is the best way to affirm the value of your life? What are the instructions in the only Book that has enduring value?

The message of Chanukah is that there is light in the darkness, all things are possible. Now that the holiday is ending, it's important to let the light, the joy, and the realization of our never being alone touch the rest of our lives, and give us the power to see things as they are.
 
As ever,
Tziporah

Dear Friends,
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My trip to the States is a bit more than half way over. The best part was, of course, seeing vaguely familiar faces. This is even better than seeing girls who I know well. The images that are more elusive draw closer and tend to say things like, "I was in your class twenty five years ago" or (blush) even longer. Of course, I am tactful enough to not respond by saying, "WHAT!! That's YOU". The vast majority of the Oldies But Goodies have done well; they live good lives with a profound sense of meaning and direction. Some of you have children who have gone far beyond what you ever dreamed of for yourselves. Some of you have carved your own way as individuals. This reality isn't new, and it isn't the result of the Shidduch Crises.

When you learn the lives of the women in Torah and in the Prophets and Writings there are women such as Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah, who are always referred to as the Imahot, Mothers. The reason is that their identity can be seen through the way they raised their children. Some of you may have heard of Christian Barnard, the South African doctor who did the first heart transplant.  When you read about him and his life, as things turn out he was quite a fascinating individual. This fact isn't what most of you will see as central to his life. You would want to know about whether or not his procedures really work. His success can only be known if you know about his patients. The Imahos are something of a mystery; while we know about specific traits and characteristics of their inner lives, Leah's hopes and prayers, Rachel's compassion, Sarah's modesty and RIvkah's kindness. What we don't know is their personal histories, their thoughts aspirations and the events that colored their lives.

These images give you something to look towards when you are building your family. Your inner life will be revealed by what you build. Those of you who are not married, those of you who will G-d willing find the right one in the near future, and those of you who are building your lives' in solo mode for the near future, have a selection of women, Devorah, Yael, Yehudis, and Ruth whose lives are presented independently of those who they touched. In fact, the sages say that they are greater than "the women of the tent", the Imahot, because they were acting without the support of others. When I look at you, I see both.
I also was fortunate enough to hear of some new brides. Shoshanah Reyes is engaged, as is Malka Deutch.
Each community has its own flavor. My first days were in Brooklyn. The high energy, fast talk and the habit of raising the bar higher and higher (so that, for instance, no one thinks twice about having kids in learning, dressing with absolute tznius and giving huge amounts of tzedakah).

This was a real contrast to Boca Raton. The community there is somewhat older, far mellower, and relate to each other almost as cousins. The Rabbi of the community, Rabbi Gibber is younger than many of his congregants, but very much their father. His wife, Jennifer, is one of us Old Neve Types (not that she is old at all) and is the mom, sister, dear friend and anything else a Rebbitzen can choose to be in this sort of a community. When you enter their shul (which started with nothing just a few years ago), you walk past a photo exhibit both of the members learning, davening, enjoying their kids at the Avos U'Banim and much more of the same. You turn the corner and you walk past a wall full of our heroes, ranging from the Chofetz Chaim to Rav Lau with Baba Sali and the Rambam looking at you from the distance of many centuries. The Gibbers have the "custom" of inviting shul members every week (at least two families), which draws them closer both to them and to each other. Miami was very much a bridge between the vitality and high energy of Brooklyn, and the sweetness and mellow shades of Boca Raton. 

When I headed north, I was met at the airport for a trip to Far Rockaway and the amazing Amen group that is in the ajoining community. The group started when one of the women of the community suffered the tragedy of losing her daughter to cancer. Instead of retreating into embitterment and anger, she decided to commemorate the beauty of her daughter's life by promoting getting her friends together to daven, say Tehillim sing and hear shiurim. Some of the participants having been going daily before heading to work for more than ten years. It is an amazing place to be!

Wherever I went, the women I met asked me if I was at 'The Chasunah'. The Wedding I am referring to is the Litman wedding, the one in which the bride and groom rose from the shiva for her father and brother. I wasn't. I was here in the States, with you. I wish I could have been at one of the most brilliant victories of light and hope over the forces of darkness. It took place in Binyanei Umah, the largest convention center in Yerushalayim. The immediate world crashed as wanted and joyous guests. When one of my friends showed me a clip, I felt like I was there, together with the women of Far Rockaway, the folks in Miami and Boca and all of the rest of you wonderful people that I have been with. Maybe next letter will be longer, fuller, and give you what you people have given me.

Love, and have the brightest Chanukah ever,
Tziporah