Dear friends,

The nine days are coming to a close. We are so hardened and so amnesiac that the mourning can become empty. It is a great blessing that there are so many possibilities online and in most religious areas that enable us to look at the day of Tisha b’Av with a far more intense and committed perspective than used to be possible.

When I was a child and went to Camp Emunah, following hearing Eichah, the campers would sit in a circle outside on the grass for the Kinos, read in turn by each of us. We had absolutely no idea of what we were saying, but the vast difference between this and an ordinary camp day was enough to get us at least wondering.

Nowadays, the focus isn’t so much on recalling the Temple as it is on recalling the destruction. One of the most convincing proofs of the uniqueness of the Jewish People is that we still exist. There is no universal language or culture holding us together, and even the partial return to Eretz Yisrael is not the glue that creates a unified identity. If any of you are aware of the current political divide here, you will also realize that it isn’t the kind of divide that really is just political. It is a battle for national identity between those who think Tel Aviv when they say Israel, and those who think Yerushalayim when they say Eretz Yisrael.

Maharal tells us that when Hashem decided to create Adam, He made the first human using three components: that which is completely spiritual, that which is part of the cosmos, and finally that which is physical. Each of us is a mini-universe, so all three are what make us human. At the time His decision was made, He convened His attributes and consulted them about making a human being. Chesed (which stems from the highest plane) said that we love doing chesed. By definition, chesed means giving freely. Your sense of self is a free gift, the aspect of Hashem that makes you human. It is the part of you that you use to engage with others and with the world. Peace pointed out that humans fight with each other constantly, and truth said we lie continually. What Hashem decided to do (obviously to create us anyway) is to give us a bit of truth, the Torah, which determines what you do with your stay here on earth, and can give you the rules of the game that give your life direction.

Galus has done a job on us. Most of us are so ignorant of Torah that the only thing that still holds us together is the Jewish soul, a gift from the highest sphere. We all have this in common and rediscovering this commonality may be the key to finally getting out of Galus.

When we left Egypt we had three leaders. Aharon made peace by showing each person their capacity to move beyond hatred and envy, so that even two people who were enemies could find common ground. Moshe was the soul of Israel, and gave us the truth of Torah. Miriam was the deep well from which our need to quench our thirst with closeness to Hashem comes.

You need to be an Aharon, and surround the people you encounter with the cloud of inner G‑dliness that they have under their skins. You need to be a Moshe who lives Torah and touches the part of the rest of us that knows truth when we see it. Most of all, you need to be Miriam and really want more than you already have.

On to what that has to do with your life.

At least let yourself feel vulnerable – fast, realize that something is different, and that the word “normal” doesn’t work just yet.

Love,
Tziporah 

Dear friends,

When I learned world history in elementary school, Napoleon was presented as quite a heroic figure. Determined. Brilliant strategist. Visionary. These were the words used to describe a man whose name has come to mean something far more positive – it is one of my favorite desserts. 

The reason that I was thinking about the Little Man with ambition is that the current war in Ukraine recalls so many wars fought for no definable reason.  Of course, there is always the raw gaavah that demands to further glorify yourself via the country that is on your side, but whether your side wins or loses many lives will be lost, and the people of the embattled country are not usually affected very much down the road. Will the lives of the Russians or Ukrainians be different 20 years from now?

There are exceptions, and they are at least as important and as real as the anti-war message that I just conveyed.

The problem with the above statement is that it isn’t always true. If the Allies had lost WW2, if Civil War had a different end (not that it is comparable to the unspeakable horrors of the holocaust) things would have worked out differently.

The war against the Midianites still affects you today.

I can hear the “huh?” all the way in Har Nof, followed by some of you asking, “What war?”

The war I am talking about was fought in the last stages of the Jew’s stay in the desert. It was a strike ordered by Hashem. The enemy was the Midianites who had reached the point of surrender to the animalistic urge to WIN. To reach the goal they prostituted their daughters to entice Jewish men for one reason and one reason only. They wanted to destroy us as a nation from the inside. Their “enemy” was any whisper of kedushah that could drown out the Midianite hedonism that was their only principle. Yes, you got it right. The only principle was “don’t have any principles”. This is why they hired Bilaam – The war was not about territory or fear of conquest.  Midian was not part of territorial Eretz Yisrael and there was no reason for them to fear the Jews. Except for one. If and when they leave the desert and begin living normal lives, planting, building, and creating a society based on serving G-d, Midian’s core beliefs would be threatened, and their need for supremacy defeated and rendered irrelevant.
The result of the wars was shocking. The Jewish officers reported no men dead or missing. The cause? It was a war that G-d commanded, and He required that each tribe send 1000 men... They put the Midianites face-to-face with the representatives of the people who are everything that they are not. The victory was absolute – and this is why it has something to do with you.

After the war was fought, we were given the laws of how to make non-kosher dishes and utensils kosher. What that tells you is that the eating implements we use are defined by their exposure to non-kosher food, but can be “returned” through koshering them. There is more – even if a particular utensil was made by a non-Jew, it needs to be immersed. What can possibly be spiritually compromising about a coffee cup? What are these laws telling you?

The basic premise is that we Jews live in the real world, which is a world in which physical reality is on the page. Higher consciousness is part of what and how you eat, sleep, dress, and more. When you recognize that nothing can exist without Hashem willing it into existence (even for a split second) you will come to realize that nothing (even the snack you may be eating or envisioning as you read this letter) is only physical. Yes, it occupies space, exists in time but there is more to it than what you see. It is connected to the Source of life. The connection isn’t less real because it is invisible. If anything, its invisibility tells you that it is limited by time/space. When you use the material world as a stepping stone to connect yourself to the Source of life via the physical object at hand two things happen. One is that you are more aware. The other is that the object has fulfilled the purpose for which it was created.

Going back to Midian. To them, the entire purpose of food for them was nourishment and pleasure. No connection. No gratitude. No recognition of what the spiritual effect could be. Worse still, their relationship to food could be reflective of their entire way of life.

The way to make a utensil kosher follows the way it became non-kosher. If the medium used in cooking was water, it has to be koshered by being dipped in boiling water. If it was via dry heat, it is koshered by dry heat. There is a message there.

You follow the parshah, and you come to the laws of the cities of refuge. These are cities that are open as places where a person who committed a murder through negligence is obligated to go. After his trial (and his being found guilty of murder through negligence), he is sentenced to the cities of refuge where he must reside until the death of the Kohen Gadol of his time. He would be surrounded by Levites (since the cities were designated from the Levitate cities) where they would be in an exalted environment to heal the kind of spiritual insensitivity that would lead to being the kind of person who can find himself in the unenviable position of knowing that the difference between life and death can be just giving the other person’s life the value it deserves. You too can be made “kosher”. Put yourself in a good environment, re-sensitize yourself, and give yourself the message that new beginnings are possible if you want them to happen.

The Parshah, (and Chumash bamidbar) ends with a listing of 42 stops the Jews made while travelling to Eretz Yisrael in the desert. The trek took 40 years. The number 42 isn’t random. There are 42 words in the first chapter of the Shema – the one that begins with “And you shall love Hashem”. This parallels the fact that your life and mine are composed of many journeys   that all have meaning, and all can lead to love of Hashem, even when you have to “kosher” yourself after a jaunt in spiritual Midian... When you see some progress, you can always incentivize yourself with a Napolean, conquered by your yetzer tov, upon which you say a brachah with all your heart!

Love,
Tziporah 

Dear friends,
 
Pinchas is a tricky parshah to write about. He is a real hero, but not the kind of hero that p.c. consciousness allows for in 2023. If his story took place last week, this is what you would read in the news:
 
“Religious zealot takes law into his own hands, killing a pair of innocent lovers.” It gets worse. The follow-up would be, “Nepotism in the Kohanic succession legalized.”
 
There is only one problem in their version of what happened – as always, for them, Hashem is not a character in the play. This is no surprise. If they were at Krias Yam Suf, they would be writing about wind velocity and currents.
 
This leaves you with the questions that living in our times evokes even when you have an open mind. Why was Pinchas right? How can you justify vigilantism when it easily is confused with the mentality of jihad?

​The underlying issue is that you and the rest of us have been taught that claiming to know an absolute truth is both wrong and dangerous. The fact that Torah is absolute is hard to swallow when believing that nothing is absolute anymore is the latest and greatest way to avoid thinking about what choices are really moral... It is the most contemporary form of escapism.
 
ABSOLUTE TRUTH?
 
The Torah was given publically, a fact that no other nation claims as the basis of their tradition. What is more relevant when you are thinking out of the box, is that it is also the basis of all morality as we know it today.  The strongest opponents of Torah are hard put when they are pushed to the wall about what defines morality and (more significantly) why? The Torah has been adapted by other peoples and incorporated into virtually all Western law to form their religions and the culture of their lifestyles sans the mitzvos. Teachings like “love your neighbor” remain vague, especially in Christianity (and the entire Western world bases their morals on that!). Concepts like “pray to G-d the Merciful” have no direct practical outlet in the Muslim world, where the poor are consistently neglected.

What that tells you is that it may be time to say goodbye to moral relativism.

Since you, my dear friends, are not just starting out on your journey, you may wonder if I got this letter mixed up with Mechina Times. I didn’t. Relativism is still there, eating away at your heart at times, even if you know the truth of Torah.

Pinchas had no self. His self was the Torah. That’s why the text tells you that he avenged Hashem’s honor, not his own. In the post-enlightenment world, where everything is filtered through the belief that there are numerous options, no one even tries to make this claim. Life isn’t supposed to be about humility and self-negation. It’s supposed to be about pride and self-expression.  Pinchas had every reason to assume that when he went towards Zimri that these were his life’s last moments. Zimri had his own justification. His tribe was heavily involved in the Baal Peor episode, and by representing them publicly he was introducing a new way of envisioning what had happened. “Peor Pride.” Cozbi, the Midanite princess who was his partner had intuitive foreknowledge that she was meant to be part of the Jewish people. Their cases sound good on paper. The only trouble is that their brand of Judaism is do-it-yourself. When Pinchas stood up for Torah, it was with the full knowledge that the bit of truth in their claim was real. Zimir could have saved his tribe through prayer and tshuvah, and Cozbi could have entered the Jewish people through conversion. If that would have been their choices, they would have lived the way Hashem determined we should be.   
 
Are we in easier times than theirs? I personally don’t think so.
 
The Torah reiterates that Pinchas was the son of Elazar, Aharon’s son. The reason for that is that Rashi tells you that there were some people who had what to say about Pinchas, they were unwilling to see his heroism. It may have been perceived as a threat.
 
They recalled that his mother was Yisro’s daughter. They disparaged Pinchas and said that he was the grandson of a priest who (before he converted) fattened idols for pagan sacrifices. This was illogical since his mother’s father had nothing to do with his tribal identity. The Jews knew how much influence a mother has. The Zohar tells us that the Midianites had fiery tempers. It was easier to blame Pinchas’ background than it was to ask hard questions about how a tribal leader could have fallen so far. It was easy to say that Pinchas was enacting the response that he saw his mother make when things didn’t seem right.
 
They were wrong.
 
He had a fiery temperament but he had reached a point when he had to decide what to do next, his internal nature, his fiery temper was totally subjected to Hashem’s will. Hashem wants us to be whole, to be able to fit your nature into His unique plan for you. Tithe text reiterates that he was Aharon’s descendant. The “Midian” in him was obeying orders, not making them...
 
Now the tricky part. What does this have to do with you?
 
We won’t be called upon to do executions any time in the near future.
You may be called upon to do things that are anti-intuitive, or socially Out. And Other.
 
That means regardless of the inner storms, do what you have to do. Speak respectfully to your parents even if this is almost impossible. See that your Shabbos table is full of joy, even if all you want to do is to make it an early night. Look people in the eye, and say, “I see things differently. Does that interest you?” Each of you has their own choices.
 
We all want peace. Peace means fitting each piece of the puzzle into the place where Hashem wants it to be.

Soooo. It’s summer - a lot of you are home, living lives with little structure. This is the best time for figuring out who you really are, without your status, your job, or any of the labels that people put on you.
 
Being like Pinchas has to have a first step. It’s learning not to be afraid.
 
In the famous song, “the whole world is a narrow bridge” the real words are not “not to fear at all.” They are “not to scare yourself at all!!!”
 
Be brave and be happy! They come together as a rule.
 
Love,                    
Tziporah 
 
PS: The second-year program for Bnos Avigail is happening. We have room for 12 and have 10!!

Dear friends,
 
Those of you who like history are probably a large minority, and I assume those who like paying attention to dates may turn this into a smaller minority. In Nissan, 2448 we were redeemed from Egypt, and six months later on the 11th of Tishrei, we were commanded to build the Mishkan, the sanctuary in the desert. On the 11th of Nissan in the following year, the Mishkan was inaugurated. It was a date that (believe it or not) affects you.
 
On that day, Hashem revealed 8 chapters of what would be included in the Torah, one of which was the chapter about the laws of the Red Cow.
 
(Actually, now that I put it in caps, some of you may confuse it with the ridiculously expensive eatery on the roof of the Plaza, but no, that is not what I am talking about).
 
The ritual is esoteric. It’s hard to wrap your mind around the concept of spiritual defilement passing via physical means, and much harder to understand how this ritual releases you from spiritual defilement. This is not the main paradox; the deepest mystery of all is how it defiles the man who (after the cow was killed), burned the cow and reduced it to ashes.  These ashes, which are used to sprinkle on people who are ritually defiled in order to release them from that state so that they are pure, make the one involved in the process of creating them ritually defiled.  What do the ashes do? Defile or purify?
 
This paradox is so profound that other than Moshe (to whom the Midrash says was told by Hashem Himself the meaning of the paradox 6 months after the ritual was revealed), no one else ever was able to crack this particularly hard nut. The merit that Moshe had, his deep humility, is what opened the door for him. In Yismach Moshe a fascinating inclusion is mentioned.  Hashem revealed the secret to one other person – Korach! He was on a very high level at the time, and it makes his competition with Moshe more understandable. It also tells you how far someone can fall.  There will be another inclusion. The Midrash Rabba says that the last generation before the final geulah will also know the secret of the red cow.
 
You may be wondering at this point why you are reading this letter. What I am writing doesn’t seem on the surface to have much to do with your life.
 
You are wrong.
 
But to understand its relevance, you have to look at the distant past. In Gan Eden there were two unique trees, the tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. These two trees were meant to be seen as part of one Divine act of creativity. The tree of life opened the door to being genuinely attached to the Life Force of all the worlds. The tree of knowledge of good (and also of evil….) had the potential to open the door for humans to choose illusion over reality and evil over good. Eating of the tree of knowledge also effected the tree of life. The tree of life, so to speak, was now lacking a branch, the branch that could have/should have, been the one that hints at making this world one in which something of Gan Eden could be felt and seen.
 
Hashem’s original plan, which was for this world literally to be Paradise, a place where His light and goodness could be experienced physically by the humans He created, seemed at first blush to be foiled.
 
It’s not the case at all. Quite the opposite.
 
You and all of us all have areas of life in which we have to cope with darkness. For some, it is loneliness, friendlessness and feeling alienated from the people who crowd you and who at the same time subtly exclude you. For others it is overload, leaving feeling depleted before you even begin, and finding your life overwhelmingly guilt provoking as you can’t possibly do what you genuinely think you could/should be doing; you may find yourself comparing yourself to The Others who cope. For still others the issue may be health, which renders every plan you had before you became ill seem to be irrelevant. There may be some of you who face financial pressures that will never really be resolved without major miracles, and the result forces you into living an entirely different life than the one you would have chosen. Parents can be difficult, addicted to the model of criticism that they also may have experienced, leaving you to feel vulnerable and “unparented”.  There are many forms of darkness. The yetzer hara has his own brand of darkness, and that too is part of the picture.
If you overcome the illusion of darkness being the entire picture, and you find some light in your capacity to respond, you have now reversed the seeming failure of the Great Plan. You can find yourself attached to Hashem finding that He is your lifesaver. Every Jew has this ability.
When you do this, you have taken what is defiled and turned it into purity. You may still have the same kind of suffering, and it may lead you to feel that you are stuck. This isn’t illusion. It may be the final step that you have to deal with to bring you to the highest state of purity that goes further than this world. You have taken that which defiles, and made it a source of purity.
 
If you don’t know where to start, take a dose of Moshe with you – the bit of humility that you have that makes you able to see yourself not as “less”, but to see Hashem as more.
 
I mentioned this before, but my daughter Devorah is organizing a trip to Kivrei Tzadikim most focused on shidduch-oriented tefillah, but also on sharing with other women the kind of energy that this sort of journey provides. Please use the form on the Contact page to request more information.
 
Love
Tziporah