Dear friends,

It starts before the Seder.    

Soon we will be there. Most of you probably don’t generally go to shul for Maariv but you might consider making the night of the Seder an exception. It’s the only time that we say Hallel at night.

Imagine what your great-greats (grandparents, great uncles and aunts and even further) were feeling that night in Egypt. The first two paragraphs of Hallel are there to bring you to feeling something of the joy that they felt at that place and time as you say the words, “Let the servants of Hashem praise Him.” Were they servants of Hashem back in Egypt? Some of them were, but most of them were far from it. You could have been there. Even picture one of your great-greats evolving from being a person with no hope, no future, no real means of distinguishing himself from the Egyptians who were continually busy making his life hell, to being someone who lives to serve Hashem. Any kind of “serving” can sound rather grim. Yet, serving Hashem is the source of joy. How?
If you were a great violinist, would you feel that playing another hour is expressing you or crushing you? It makes demands, that violin of yours. It doesn’t let you fool yourself. But it also gives you all that you want, all that you dream of when you hear its beauty and its wholeness and realize that it is you. Being enslaved to Hashem is different. Better. Incomparably more real. The violin is unfeeling, has no soul, has nothing of its own. Hashem is the Soul of the world; He is the Source and gives freely. He gives you what you wanted from the moment of your birth – connection. It’s what you want when you spend time with your best friend or enter a happy marriage. Hallel gives expression to what is usually mute.

The rest of Hallel is different. It praises Hashem not only for what we see but also for what we don’t see. We call out to Hashem from the place of feeling crushed, the “meitzar”, which is the same root as the word Mitzraim. We express the realization that He will answer us and give us the inner and outer space to breathe that we all want.

How do you tap into maariv on Pesach? The sefer that I am taking most of this from, Byam Darkecha, suggests trying to maintain focus when saying your request for peace, and asking that it be “With the light of Your face.”

Next step  

Now you are ready to take this all to the physical world, the world of matzah and marror and the rest. It’s the world for Hashem’s Seder, Hashem’s sense of order, and you are entering it.

The four cups of wine are parallel to the four expressions used for the Redemption: “He took us out,” “He rescued us,” “He redeemed us,” and “He took us to Him.” The Maharal relates the four cups of wine at the Seder to the four matriarchs. This brings the way that women experience Hashem into the Seder as being the source of the people we are today, in the same way that the three Avos did – they, however, are symbolized by the three matzos.
Women love to understand. When you take a psych course, by and large, the majority of the class is female. Understanding is analogous to a stream coming forth from the ocean. It makes it possible for the flow to be reduced, and to be directed towards the other. The first Kos is drunk after you just heard Kiddush. You can now step back, and “hear” Hashem’s simultaneous greatness, and His connection to you (not just as part of the people, but as an individual piece of the puzzle).

YOU TOOK US OUT OF IRRELEVANCE.  YOU TOOK ME OUT OF MITZRAIM.

I am like Sarah, who began life in a place that was far away from where her life ultimately took her.

The second Kos is drunk with maggid, the part of the Seder where you actually speak out the story of the enslavement and the exodus. Step back. Think about what an amazing privilege it is to be able to relate to the One Who broke every law of nature to get the Jews out of Egypt, Who is the essence of life itself, and is in control of everything that we call nature. What would your life have been if you never were able to hear about who He is, and what He has done?

Listen to yourself….

HE RESCUED ME.

I had close calls both spiritually and physically. He wants me here, and cares about me. I am Rivka who was at the well at the right moment, the moment that Eliezer came, and was rescued from the horror of the life I would have had growing up with the society that generated Lavan and Besuel. I was rescued.
The third Kos is said with birkat hamazon (or benching for those of you who are heimish. I doubt anyone who reads my letter thinks of it as Grace). Reflect on how from the day you were born, you were sustained by Hashem who provided you with everything that brought you to this day.

HE REDEEMED ME.

The Maharal says redemption means returning to yourself and being who you can be. Every time you eat, Hashem invests in you. He lets you see His care and love, and that can bring you back to yourself. I am like Rachel, who was the mainstay of Yaakov’s house although she was the mother of only two of the twelve tribes. She nurtured everyone with whom she came in contact in a real-world way. She was sustained, and sustained others.
The last Kos is said with Hallel, and tells you that Hashem is not only the author of the exodus, He is also the author of the future redemption

HE TOOK ME

And will continue bringing me to where I need to be, just as he took Leah from her assumed fate of marriage to Eisov to being the mother of Levi, the holiest of the tribes, and Yehudah, the tribe that was chosen to lead.

For you Oldies but Goodies. I just went to Rabbi Teller’s son’s wedding. Just one more to go!

​Love, chag sameach and eat only kosher!!!!!
Tziporah

​Dear friends,
 
Purim still is sort of here.
 
The days between Purim and Rosh Chodesh are days when the great light, joy, happiness, and honor can easily recede into the ordinary humdrum of life. Purim’s message is still here – it tells you that Hashem’s presence doesn’t have to be easily observed to be real, and in fact, when He covers His presence to let you stretch yourself into finding Him, choices come fast and furious.
 
If you are living alone, you have the issue of where to go for the Seder. If you are living alone, but you have a house that’s big enough to invite others, and the love of hosting that some of us are blessed with, you still may have the problem of who would come if you invited them, and who would make it easy to have the seder evolve into something meaningful and beautiful. If you have a family, you have the chance to relive the way our ancestors lived in Egypt, enslaved and exhausted. If you are planning to go away, you have the issue of how to retain Peach while you are on vacation and simultaneously keep the vacation a real vacation. Have I left you out? If so, no doubt you too need to let the light of Purim with its message hit you. It’s in the nature of these few weeks and in the air you breathe.
 
There is only one thing that works. Keep on feeling beloved. You have to make room for your Lover, and that means letting the big Self vacate the middle of your heart and make more room.
 
The Zohar says that the generation who suffered the almost unbelievable pain of what servitude was in Egypt were reincarnated from the people who had made the Tower of Bavel.
 
When you read the text about the Tower, what you find is that it’s hard to relate to what the builders actually had in mind when they began the project. It says that their intent was to build a tower in order to “Make war against G-d”. The very idea of this kind of a war makes no sense. If you believe in G-d, how can you even think that you could succeed in a war that you are fighting against Him? If you don’t believe in G-d, why are you spending so much time and so much emotional and physical energy in waging war against a mythic being?
 
WAR WITH G-D AND WAR WITH SELF
 
If you want to answer that, you can look at today’s world. You have enormous (possibly untapped) potential. So did they. Just think what it would be to live in their world, a world where you might even know the person who made the very first music, or the man who learned how to mine metal from the earth and make things, some of which were life-changers. Any belief in G-d means to at least some degree surrendering to His will. They felt that any inch that they give Him diminishes their creativity and importance, their Self.
 
OLD PROBLEM NEW NON-SOLUTION
 
There have been some extreme responses (that you may be aware of) in Israel to the motion that the authority of the Supreme Court should be modified. The present system is one in which any law that the Knesset passes can be vetoed by the Supreme Court. Since the Supreme Court is progressive, that means that virtually any law that is pro-religion or that affirms Israel as a Jewish state is knocked off the agenda. The judges are not evil. They are acutely aware of their own desire for what they genuinely believe in, which is libertarian, free, and compassionate. The idea of letting Hashem determine the meaning of those words is far beyond either their education or their astounding lack of humility. G-d is the enemy because their ego leaves no room for Him. The reason that this can happen to good people, who care and mean well is that once a good trait is captured by the Other side, the Other side has far more power than it would have if it was just desire or foolishness. Hashem didn’t give up on the generation of the builders of the Tower. He brought them back to this world and gave them lives in which there was no room for self-worship. A slave can’t fall into that trap. They left Egypt not only humble but able to feel Hashem’s love and return it. This will happen when Hashem desires that it is time for Moshiach to reveal himself. The good side of their conscience will fight for good, break through the heavy wall of ego and arrogance, and hear the words of Shir HaShirim. This is the best time of year to learn a bit of Shir HaShirim, the love poem between Hashem and us, one that speaks of surrender, intimacy, and undying commitment.
 
Pesach is the time for renewal. You need to be humble when you go Seder hunting or have to risk rejection when you invite guests or challenge yourself to do more than your comfort level, or (in some ways harder) stay with Hashem in the midst of your stay at the Golden Mountain.
 
You aren’t alone, and this isn’t outside of the Big Plan.
 
You are with One who wants you to have enough room to feel His presence at the Seder, His love for your unseen potentials, and His willingness to love you as you are today.
 
Am I being judgmental? I hope not. I lived all of the scenarios that I wrote about (except the luxury hotel). At the time did I feel what I feel today? No, but I know that these were part of a puzzle that the One who is called “Adon Kol HaNeshamot” the Master of all souls has created.
 
So… I will end the letter and go back to the Big Pile and sift through it. Pesach is coming!!!!!!!
 
Love,
Tziporah