Dear friends,

Adar is so sweet! It seems to progress day by day until its energy just explodes when Purim is here. Things in Har Nof were much quieter than other years. I’m not sure whether it’s the logical outcome of the young couples who bought (relatively inexpensive) apartments 31 years ago mysteriously hit 60 (or more), and have kids who are no longer in the Crazy Years, or whether it’s that Rav Ovadia’s loss has finally affected the number of drunk bachurim hitting the  pavement on Rechov HaKablan. The beauty of the raw affection that the inebriated men showed each other was just as real as ever, and the ingenuity of the kid’s costumes was just as funny. My original costume was a disguise that cast me as a Greek Orthodox nun. My black robe, skirt turned veil and necklace in which a “gold” dollar sign replaced the usual ornament informed the world (or anyone who was interested) that I belong to a sect that worships money. Of course I only put my costume on when I reached the Neve building. My Bnos Avigail girls haven’t been around the Old City long enough to recognize the costume, and many of them seemed to think wearing a $ sign around my neck was normal. How frightening! The next night was Neve’s party. I figured I should try another costume. I wore my regular clothes, but put a large Na Nach white kippah with attached peyos over my scarf. At least they figured out a) that this is a costume, and b) that its fun.

On Purim a lot is revealed, either through reading the megillah, and identifying yourself in its narrative, or by other means. One of my sons told me an amazing story made even more amazing by his telling it when he was “under the influence” to some degree This particular son is a really serious learner, studied in Tifrach and lives in Bnei Brak. All of this made the story far more dramatic.

Once a week, he volunteers at a remarkable kollel. It was organized by Lev LeAchim for young men who have limited Judaic background and who want to go beyond inspiring shiurim to real learning that leaves you with solid information and skills. One of the young men became observant in his late teens (he is now 20). He told the head of the kollel that he doesn’t want fish. He wants to learn how to fish. What he wanted was the skills to learn Gemarrah with real depth. The Rosh Kollel made the shidduch between him, and my son. The young man (whose real name is Hertzel), was living something of a double life. His mornings were spent in the Kollel. His afternoons were spent at his Real World Job, in the secular Tel Aviv, where the current culture at work is to turn the workplace into your real home, and the people you work with into your pseudo family. To Hertzel that meant going out with them for entertainment in the evenings, eating out in restaurants that were only relatively kosher etc. The two halves of his life rarely intersected. The one consistent One who he took with him to both places was Hashem. Somewhere along the line, Hertzel had the opportunity to hear some Breslov chassidus, and through that he learned to find Hashem wherever he was. And as they say in the stories,

Came the day...

He was cycling to work, and crossed through a traffic circle instead of driving around it. A policeman’s megaphone soon sounded “You in the bike. Move to the side of the road”. He tried explaining to the officer that he is only riding a bike, not a car, but this didn’t move the policeman, who began writing a ticket. Hertzel turned aside momentarily, and said to Hashem, “Abba! Cancel the ticket for me!” When he turned back, he discovered that his prayer didn’t seem to affect anything. He changed gears. “I realized that it’s Hashem’s will that I get the ticket. I looked at the policeman, and I envisioned the letters of Hashem’s Name on his forehead. I knew that Hashem is giving me the ticket, and that the officer is just doing the job he is paid for, keeping the roads safe. I turned to him and told him that I understand, and that he is right to do his job. We shook hands, and continued our separate ways.”

“One thing still bothered me”. Hertzel told my son “Later in the day, when I took time to speak to Hashem in my own words, I asked Him what getting the ticket is supposed to say to me. If I had hurt my hand, I would know that I should value my hand, and use it well. What about a ticket? It came to me in a flash. When I was in the middle of the traffic island, I could see both lanes. Some of the cars were headed one direction, and the other cars were headed in the opposite direction. And there I was, smack in the middle. That’s my life! I suddenly got it. I can’t stay in the middle forever; it’s time to decide who I am and where I belong”. He gave notice at work the next day, and is now learning a full day.

Purim, the day of revelation is over. You are now headed towards Pesach, the time of revealed love and ultimately the time of redemption.
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Have a great ride!
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Love,
Tziporah       

Dear friends,

Purim! Do you want to be happy?

Do you know someone who doesn’t?

I know so many people who do battle with feelings that tell them in a million ways that they are up against a brick wall, and happiness will never happen.  What do the actual Judaic sources have to say about what builds simchah? How does it get you to that illusive destination. I came upon four different approaches, none of which are contradictory to the others. The reason why it’s worthwhile to examine all four is that people tend to get stuck. You can easily convince yourself that there is only one way to find happiness. If the door is locked, you are sure that there is no other way to get in.

FIRST STEP - DON’T BE RIGID WHEN YOU LOOK FOR HAPPINESS. IT CAN BE FOUND IN MANY WAYS
Gloria was brave. Born with a visible defect, by the time she was of marriageable age, she noticed that no one was banging down her door. She made two critical decisions. One was to find happiness anyway. To seek it consciously in everything she did, and in her attitude towards everyone she encountered. She eventually marries, but she never let her singlehood turn her into someone she didn’t like and didn’t want to be with. Sophie’s husband made a terrible financial mistake (and no, this one doesn’t have a happy ending. They never really got it together financially), Michael did everything he could to get things back on track. This included networking, answering want adds, going online etc. He sent his resume to every place that made sense, and some that didn’t. The best he could find were low paying jobs with no future. He took whatever he could. In his heyday he was busy from right after the earliest minyan till close to midnight. Now he headed home from the office at 5. He dedicated his unwanted free time to becoming an emergency responder. Sophie realized that in spite of his very genuine efforts, they would have to give up the dreams of making it big that were so much part of her. Giving up her dreams wasn’t an easy task. Once she “sat shiva” for them, she noticed something she had blinded herself to seeing. Michael had somehow slowly stepped away from the guilt and depression that had become his personality. She followed his example, and became less of a have-er and more of a giver.
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Once you decide that you are willing to explore “new” ways of being happy, you can choose one of the methods in the next few paragraphs (more is coming next week)

DON’T MAKE FINDING HAPPINESS DEPENDENT ON ANYONE OTHER THAN HASHEM
It would be natural for you to feel that I am being patronizing by sharing the secret of this kind of love and happiness with you. And yes, it is a secret. Very few people can move beyond wanting what only Hashem gives from other human beings. The price we all pay for this delusion is enormous, running all the way from self-pity, to giving up on the search.

Don’t give up! Hashem loves you far more than you love yourself, and you can find that love!
So enjoy a very Happy Purim!

love Tziporah

Dear friends,
The good news! Rabbi Smith’s daughter, Gitty is getting married today. Full details in next letter.
I have a terrible habit of reading the last chapter of a book when I just begin to get into the plot. The Torah, which begins with the words, “In the beginning” ends with the word, “Yisrael”. Doesn’t that tell you so much of a story that has infinite depth and possibility? The Book of Shmos (Exodus) is coming to a conclusion. It begins with the words, “And these are the names of the Children of Israel”, and ends with the words, “In all their journeys”.  It’s often called the Book of Redemption. The reason is that it narrates the enslavement in Egypt, the liberation, Hashem’s giving us the Torah and His letting His presence dwell with us even after the sin of the golden calf in the sanctuary that he taught us how to build for Him.
Maharal tells you what that Big Word redemption really means. It means being able to return to who you really are. There are so many ways to be out of touch. Much as Chekov said, all good families are similar, but all bad families are unique, each one of us experiences his own brand of exile from his real and essential self. The last Parshah concludes all of the details involved in building the sanctuary. From the very beginning, the job went far beyond building a place of worship or a center of Jewish life and community, which is what the word sanctuary conveys to so many of us. The Torah tells us, “Build me a sanctuary and I will live in you”, not just in it, but in every one of us.
In my heart I will build a sanctuary
To His splendor and glory
And in the sanctuary, I will place an alter dedicated to the rays of His grandeur
I will take the fire of Yitzchak’s binding (the Akedah, when Avraham was tested to see if he would offer his only son,) as my eternal light
And as a sacrifice I will bring my unique soul
These words, inspired by a poem written century ago by R. Eliezer Azkiri and turned into its present modern form by Rav Yizchak Hutner zatzal, give you a glimpse into the hidden place in you that is really not in exile.
Rambam talks about how you can take life as you live it and make it part of the sanctuary that you want to build. He talks about real issues, food, sleep, employment, marriage, and does so without flinching. He doesn’t idealize somehow transcending physical needs and pleasures. In fact, he says that having a desire to hide from the physical world is escapist and unreal. The key to not letting the physical world bury your soul is bringing Hashem with you on your journey, your day to day reality as you live your life. Let’s start with food (don’t we always?)
“The key to healthful eating is to let your body inform you when to feed it. Don’t eat when you aren’t hungry. Leave the table before you are satiated” If you live on a different planet than the one that I do, you may be wondering why on earth someone would eat if they are not hungry. Let me clue you in. People eat because they think food wiill solve the boredom problem, the “no one loves me enough to nurture me” problem and (as was stated in a Yale University a paper on obesity in 2013, there is a connection between overeating (especially food high in carbs, fats, and sugar) and what they call reward circuitry). In simpler language, it means that food tastes good.  Now you know why the line at ‘Katzefet’ is longer than the line in the health food store.  You can get so deeply involved in what you eat, that it becomes the only pleasure that you have a more-than-nodding- acquaintence with. Don’t deny yourself tasty food. Just let your body determine how much and when, so that it doesn’t take over your life. Choose what is healthy, so that you are being good to your body. He also points out that eating food that is difficult to digest puts tremendous stress on your body. Your intention should be to eat so that you can live your life with vigor, rather than let it degrade your body so that the opposite takes place.
The same thing holds true for sleep; don’t resist the Plan - it includes sleep! On the other hand, don’t sleep to avoid life. 
It’s impossible to imagine Rambam taking time off to belong to a gym. He believed in using your body and avoiding the fate of being a couch potato. Again, his purpose was to see that you value your body, use it well, and treat it kindly so that it’s there to give your soul a way to bring its light and its message to the real world.
Most of you who read this have (gulp) real world jobs. They can consume you, deplete you of your ambitions that go beyond status and cash. They can rob you of your time and of your peace of mind. They can replace family and friends. They can recreate your identity so that your sense of self is tied in with the success of your contribution at work.
Or not…
Working can be a way to contribute meaningfully to the world around you by providing it with a living model of integrity, of compassion and responsibility finding a place in the same heart. Working can help you become the person you want to be by bringing your beliefs and personality to the places that are dark and desperately need a ray or two of light. Your work can be the means by which you connect to your family by being a giver just as legitimately as you would be if you made a birthday cake for each family member on his or her birthday. As the Baal Shem Tov would say, you are where your thoughts are. Everything depends on whether you are living purposefully, as a giver and as a servant of Hashem, or as an isolated taker in a dark grey world.
Years ago, when I lived in a moshav in the North, my neighbor was a woman whose husband brought in enough money as a truck driver to keep them alive, but not much more. Periodically (when it was, for instance, close to the beginning of the school year and the kids wanted new clothes and nice school supplies), she would take the bus to Akko, the nearest city to our moshav. She would, knock on doors in the “better” neighborhood and offer her services as a cleaning lady. She was clean, fast, and had no trouble finding work. Once, when I was in her house minding the fort until she returned, she taught me a lesson I never forgot. She came in holding a huge basket of fruit and veges that she picked up at Akko’s shuk. “Who did I get it if for? Just for you?” she asked her little folks who populated her kingdom. They divvied up the grapes, almost immediately, washed them and sat down with her for a fruit feast.  It brought back another memory that was so much the same, that the difference between them faded into nothingness. Another friend, who is very successful financially sat with her kids exploring tzedakah “You choose the ones you like the best. That’s your treat for Purim”. The same look was on their faces. The look that people have when they feel love, and that they know that the one who gave it is close to the One who gave her the means to give it so generously.
Have a wonderful chodesh!